Yay for babies, work and motivation! Woo!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about being a stay at home mom when my baby arrives. I’ve been reading some other blogs a lot lately, and checking out facebook pages of some of my friends and I wonder if I could be happy and entertained staying home all day. Part of the reason is also because I’ve been in a non-work mode. My job isn’t stressful or anything. In fact, it’s the opposite. Most of the day, I have nothing to do, so I’ve been watching a lot of movies to keep my mind entertained. But whatever the reason, I just can’t seem to get the motivation to wake up on time to get ready, and sometimes I cry over the fact I have to go to work.


Jase’s job currently isn’t helping with that situation either, which makes it twice as hard. Jase’s last job sadly went under so he was kinda forced to find another job. It’s good because it’s a steady income and his last job was 3 weeks late with every pay check it seems, but he really doesn’t like the job he got and doesn’t feel like it’s where he should be. It’s depressing for him to go to a job that he doesn’t like and doesn’t feel like he’s worth anything, so it makes it really hard in the morning not to just call in sick for the day. But it’s only the 2nd week, and I’m trying to be optimistic that we will find something else so he doesn’t have to stay there very long.


Since my last blog, we’ve had a couple more appointments with Killian’s therapist. Our last appointment was with the medical doctor instead of the therapist. In order to seek out medical options, we have to visit with a medical doctor because the social workers aren’t able to prescribe medication. We met with Dr. Anderson for about an hour and a half and he asked us and Killian quite a few questions. He said that there’s no doubt that Killian has an attention problem, but if it were his child, he would refrain from putting him on medication until he starts kindergarten or first grade. I definitely don’t like the idea of putting Killian on medication, but with how pushy his daycare has been, it seemed like something to try. But we’re going to try fish oil caplets and continuing our nightly tutoring sessions and see how far we can get. I guess if we have to put him in a preschool that has less children, it’ll be better for him in the long run. His teacher said that he’s doing much better with the phonics he was behind on, so we’re now going to try to learn the letters A-G. After my session last night, I can tell it’s going to be more difficult than I thought. Wish me luck!


I have my next baby appointment next Monday. I know I get to listen to the baby’s heartbeat, and I’m excited to hear that he/she is doing ok. It’s about another month before we can find out the sex of the baby, and I’m so stoked for that! I want to find out before Mother’s Day so when we have our big family get togethers, I can tell everyone at once! I thought about doing something fun and making Killian a shirt that says “I’m going to have a little brother/sister” and see how many people actually figure it out. Should be fun haha.


This upcoming Thursday, I will be 12 weeks along. This marks the end of my first trimester and I’m really hoping that my nausea dissipates and that I get more energy. I don’t sleep very well, so by the time I get home after work, I’m so tired I don’t want to do anything. Our house work has slacked off a little because of it, because it’s not fair for Jase to do everything himself.


Brittania is also moving out at the end of April, so after she moves, we will need to get things moved around so we can paint the baby’s room. I can’t tell you how flippin excited I am to paint the baby’s room! I’ve got 6 colors picked out and I plan to do each wall of the room a different color. One wall is cornered, so it could actually be done in 3 colors if I wanted to, but I’m not sure what I will do yet. I want my friend Adam to paint some designs on one of the walls along with the baby’s name so the colors pop. Another goal of mine is to get my front room finished, but we’ll see how that goes. It’s been much more of a pain than I thought to tear down the wallpaper so that’s gotta come down first. After that it should be easy, because all we’re doing is painting and putting up a chair rail. Now I just gotta get the energy!


We reactivated our gym membership last night, and I’m glad. I have been reading a lot and am a little worried that the extra baby weight is going to make things tough on me. I’m not super active anyway, so I don’t want the added weight and aches to get me down. I can’t do anything that’s really active, but the treadmills and some weight lifting would be really good for me to get my back in shape and my heart ready for the breathing.

Hopefully this all will turn into a good thing for all of us. *crossing my fingers*

Valentines Day Weekend

So now that it’s over, I can talk about my Valentine’s Day weekend. Awhile ago, Jase and I went to Wendover just for a day to get away from things. For Valentine’s Day, I decided it would be fun to go again, except I didn’t tell Jase we were going. I booked a room for Friday night and told Jase we had dinner reservations. In the meantime, I packed a bag for us and had everything ready to go. To make it more fun, I made a coupon for a reservation at our hotel and put it in a cute envelope for him to open. I got on the freeway to “go to dinner” and handed him the envelope. I figured that eventually he would figure out we weren’t going to dinner and an hour and a half drive is a bit long to keep it a secret.

Because our bedroom set was being delivered on Saturday, I had to come up with a reason we wouldn’t be home for the delivery. So I told him we had something planned for Saturday. He opened the letter and read the coupon and said “Oh, we’re going to Wendover tomorrow?” I laughed and told him we were going right then! He was so surprised, and it was really cute! When we got to Wendover, we checked into our room and went to have some dinner. I was a little annoyed at that point because my debit card wouldn’t work to pay for the hotel and I had only brought cash for gambling, but luckily the ATM was allowing me to take more cash out.

We had a little struggle deciding what to have for dinner. The buffets are always nice because it’s cheaper and Jase can eat as much as he wants (which is A LOT!), but Friday apparently is Seafood night. I’m not a huge fan of most seafood and some of what I do like, I can’t eat due to being pregnant. We looked around the buffet and there was Salmon and some Mexican food that I could eat, but we decided to bag it. $24.95 a person for me to eat Salmon and refried beans was hardly worth it. So we ended up at a regular restaurant and had a nice dinner.

We stayed overnight and did some gambling and overall, we had a really good time. When we got home, we arrived to our new bedroom set all put together. It’s just gorgeous and I love it! At first I was a little weirded out because it’s larger than our old one, but it’s growing on me. I hate to say it, but it makes me feel a little more posh having all matching furniture in my room haha. As a thank you for hanging at my house waiting for our furniture, we took my mom to dinner. She also did my dishes, a few loads of my laundry and tidy’d up my family room so it was the least we could do. Wonderful Valentine’s Day weekend!

Thursday before last, we had Killian’s assessment done. It was a very interesting process. When we first arrived, we had to fill out some paperwork and sit through an orientation. The orientation basically went through the whole process, what kinds of therapy they offer and I really learned a lot. Next we met our therapist, Michelle. She was very nice and I think I will really grow to like her. We went into her office and while Killian played with her toys, she asked Jase and I a ton of questions. We went through everything such as why we’re there, what his family history is, and she even talked to us about adoption. I felt it was necessary to admit I’m not Killian’s biological mom, although sometimes it really bothers to me to do it. I really love being his mom, and it’s a little hard for me to hand part of his history over to Jen. When we started talking about Jen, Michelle was really surprised at how long it’s been since she’s come around and asked us if we’ve considered adoption. We have thought about it and basically planned to try, and she was very helpful in how to go about it. Overall I think it was a great session but she won’t be able to diagnose him until our next appt which is March 2^nd. So far, I think we’re all leaning towards ADHD, but Michelle says medication and therapy has come so far and she’s confident we can fix it before Killian goes to Kindergarten.

I had my first OB appt last Thursday. I answered a bunch of history questions, took a pee test and had my blood drawn, so nothing too exciting. They did give me some goodies, which included an awesome magazine that shows baby development month by month and the birth process. Until we find out what the baby is, we’re calling it by its size. This week it’s KB, short for Kidney Bean. The baby website I signed up for, sends me emails on how the baby is growing and about what size it is. It has an entire article that compares the size of the baby by fruit to the size of a quarter. It still amazes me that when I reach 40 weeks, the baby will be the size of a small pumpkin. Ack! Oh well, I assume if so many other people have done it, that I can do it too.

Fun Thingy

20 years ago: I was 7. I guess that puts me in first grade? My teacher was Mrs. Sleight. I don’t remember much about her.

10 years ago: I was 17. Finishing up Jr. year of high school. I think I was working at Hollywood Video, but not dating Sterling yet.


5 years ago: I was 22. I don’t think I was dating anyone because the previous few months, were hard for me. My BF at the time, broke up with me. I lost my best friend to a witch who wouldn’t let him talk to me or his family, my grandpa died, etc. Although I did become friends with Becci and Adam so that was the highlight of that year.

3 years ago: I was 24. I’d been at my current job for only a couple months. I was living with my BF, Jason, in my first apartment away from my mom and things were starting to go downhill. I don’t think I’d quite started talking to Jase (my hubby) yet, so things were kinda in the middle of being good and being bad.

1 year ago: I was 26. I had only been married 4 months and we were getting ready to start looking for houses.

1 month ago: I had only been back at my normal job for about a week and was bored silly.

1 week ago: We bought our new bedroom set!

1 day ago: I wasn’t feeling well and took a nap on the couch. Then my dad came over to play on the computer and Jase’s parents came over to give us some cookies they made. We went to dinner at Gma’s and I fell asleep on the couch again when we got home.


I am: at work and bored silly.

I think: I should really ask for more things to do so I don’t go nuts!

I know: that I’m happy in my relationship, despite what I hear others think.

I want: a lot. I’m a very jealous person

I dislike: my weight right now, and it’s gonna get worse

I miss: singing and hanging out with my friends

I fear: Losing a loved one.

I feel: anxious

I hear: the hum of the heater under my desk. Brr it’s cold today.

I smell: dirt. My work smells like dirt

I crave: taco bell

I cry: all the freaking time. During confrontation, when I’m upset, when I Get my feelings hurt, etc.

I usually: have nothing to do

I search: for the answers to my questions

I regret: not singing more, being afraid, not standing up for myself

I love: my husband, my son, my mom, my family and my friends.

I care: about how others see me

I always: feel tired

I worry: that I’m going to be an awful pregnant lady

I am not: motivated to do much

I remember: every one of my boyfriends names and most of their phone numbers

I believe: that I could be better

I dance: in the kitchen when I’m in a good mood

I sing: in the car all the time

I don't always: eat right, exercise, get enough sleep

I argue: about one dumb thing at least everyday

I write: in my blog

I win: every argument I can, of course

I lose: myself sometimes

I wish: I had more confident and motivation

I listen: to music on my way to work everyday

I don't understand: a lot of things. Why I’m so scared of things, why people don’t make the right decisions, why certain people haven’t learned lessons

I can usually be found: at work, on the computer

I am scared: of being a bad person, people dying, pets dying, not being happy

I need: to pull my head out of my butt and realize there’s more to being happy than what everyone else has

I forget: hardly anything. I remember weird silly things that most people wouldn’t.


I am happy: when I’m with Jase, when I’m home safe and sound, when I have friends, when people care about me, when I see rainbows, when I have money to spend on frivolous things, when Jase’s says he loves me, when Killian says he loves me, when my mom isn’t embarrassed by me, etc.

I am in the midst of another boredom session at work. Dee-Ann let me borrow a book awhile ago and I actually finished it, so she gave me a couple others, but I haven’t been motivated to start either of them. I was so tired last week that I just kept nodding off and having to figure out where I left off, so I gave up. Although, it would certainly be a good tool to help pass the time. Especially since I am working late the next couple days.

We were finally able to get an appointment for Killian, so we are having the assessment done on Thursday. Because it’s such a big test, it’s scheduled from 8:45am to Noon, so I have to take the entire morning off work. I didn’t want to use my vacation time, so I decided just to make up the time I’m missing.

But looks like it’s going to be something I get used to, because I’m going to have quite a few doctor’s appointments this year. As I said in my last update we are having a baby! I’m currently 6 ½ weeks along, and we’re both so excited! We won’t find out what it is for a little bit longer, but my mom has had dreams about playing with her granddaughter, so she believes it’s a girl. She’s always thought I needed a girl. Killian is amazing, but I can’t really dress him up in rainbow outfits or play with his hair. I guess we’ll see how things go! We’re due on October 3^rd, which is funny because it’s our wedding anniversary. Things seem to happen to me in thirds, I love it!

On the baby topic, my ex somehow found out (probably via myspace or facebook) and sent me a congratulations text yesterday. Based on our last conversation and how underhanded he was, I decided to ignore the text. A few minutes ago, Jan, who works with me in our parts department but has also been a long time family friend, comes up tp my desk. She tells me that he emailed her to have her tell me congratulations. Although annoyed, I still ignored it. Then, I get a call on my cell phone, followed by a text telling me to call that number. I’m almost positive it was the same phone number that was used in the original text. I’m so annoyed right now at the fact that he’s even contacting me, let alone how persistent he’s being. Maybe someday he will go away.

In other great news, we got our tax credit for buying our house last year and are going to use it to pay off all of our debt. Well, everything but the house and the cars, but it’s so exciting to know how much extra money we will have every month because of it, and to pay it back it’s interest free! Oh the money we’re saving!

Jase also got an extra check last month, so we splurged a little and bought ourselves a bedroom set. It’s absolutely gorgeous and I’m so anxious for it to be delivered. I’ve wanted a matching bedroom set for a couple months now and it’s awesome that we got one that we both love. This is what it looks like…

You can have the bed as just the headboard and footboard, add the posts or add the whole thing and have the canopy. We love the canopy and have plans to drape some pretty fabric around the top. With the set we also got 2 dressers (one with a media box and a mirror) and 2 nightstands. I love it! In order to get this in our room, we had to organize some of our downstairs to fit the dresser and old bed in until Brittania moves out. She currently doesn’t have a frame for her bed, so we offered her the set. She wanted it, so it’s going to a good home. We moved my dresser into the baby’s room, cleaned up all of our laundry (we’re so bad at laundry!) and made sure it was all ready to be delivered. It’s supposed to be delivered on Saturday and just in case we’re not home, due to a fun Valentine’s Day event I have planned for Jase, my mom is going to hang out and wait for it. So excited!

I think I need to update more often, so my updates aren’t so long haha. Maybe next time…

That's right! We're having a baby! Just found out last Thursday, and I'm about 5 1/2 weeks along. This is my first pregnancy, so I'm really excited but really nervous. Luckily Jase has been through this before and can answer all my silly questions. We're due on October 3rd, which is our wedding anniversary haha.

Happy Anniversary!

It's not my anniversary, but I thought this was fun and wanted to do it!



1-What Date is your Anniversary?
October 3, 2007

2-Where did you get married?
Stonebridge Golf Club


3-Who married you?
My friend Christi, who I met at work. She did a really great job and it was personal, which I loved.



4-How long were you engaged?
He proposed on Sept 3rd, 2006, so a year and one month


5-What was the favorite part of your Wedding Day? Everything. the ceremony, the pictures, the karaoke, the food, it was all so wonderful!




6-What would you change if you could?
this is dumb, but I would have sang karaoke earlier in the evening. i also wouldn't have fallen on my face at my reception haha


7-What were your wedding colors?
Rainbow....red, yellow, pink, green, purple, orange, blue, black and white




8-Do you remember anything special from you ceremony?
I have a copy of it, and read it often.

9-Were you clean or messy when you cut your wedding cake?
We were both pretty nice and didn't shove it all over eachother.



10-Where did you go on your honeymoon?
We stayed at the Anniversary Inn for the first night. Then we went to Moab, and walked around for a week. It was so nice to have the time together, because we hardly ever have time to ourselves.

It's so fun to remember our wedding day! Now to make it more fun, we're pregnant and our baby is due October 3rd!

Happy January

In my boredom, I decided to read through a little of my blog, and saw the past few posts, haven’t really been informative. Things have gotten pretty busy and stressful. Since I’m bored, what a better time to blog haha.

My boredom comes from being back to my normal job. Kristen came back to work, so I had to go back to being the receptionist. I have to admit, I was a little happy about it, because her job stressed me out. I got stressed every time I had to do the Komatsu America check run, every time I had to stay late, etc. But what I soon realized was that I was not quite ready to go back to my job. Don’t get me wrong, I like my job, most of the time. I get paid a decent amount to do a fairly easy job, which I’ve become pretty good at. The thing I didn’t think about…..was the boredom. I am usually occupied in the morning hours, because I have to open the mail, receive deliveries, change the boards, etc. The afternoon however, I almost always have nothing to do. Dee-Ann was so sweet and brought in a book for me to read, but I haven’t ready in a long time, so I don’t know how easy it will be for me. I’ve started the book, and so far it’s a good book, but I find myself searching for other things to do instead of reading it. I got a new computer shortly before I left to cover for Kristen, which has a DVD player, so I guess if things get too bad, I can start watching movies while I’m at work. I know, the fact that I can watch movies at work, probably is making ya’ll wonder what I’m complaining about. If only that was the extent of my problem.

A couple months ago, the director of Killian’s daycare/preschool, Jill, stopped Jase when he dropped Killian off in the morning. She proceeded to tell Jase that she thinks Killian has a developmental problem. Based on how long it took him to “get” potty training, and some of the other problems in his class, she thought it could eventually become a serious problem. Well, now we are at that point and need to have Killian checked out by a psychologist to see if he has ADHD, Autism or another kind of mental disorder. I personally think ADHD is a big possibility based on the symptoms. Killian hasn’t quite grasped certain activities that the other kids in his class have been able to do. When this happens, he gets frustrated and decides not to participate in the current activity. It has caused him to be mean and a bit rough with a couple of the kids in his class as well, which has caused parents to voice concerns to Jill.

I started working with Killian at home to see if we could improve his focus and get him caught up on the things he was struggling with. I haven’t been doing it long, but it was a big slap in the face to see what Jill was referring to. It has been a real struggle for me to get Killian focused, so I can imagine what it’s like for his teacher to handle him in a class of 6 other kids. I also found out yesterday, that the other kids in his class are all younger than him, which was painful for me to hear. It’s really hurtful to think about him struggling. I don’t want him to feel inferior or lose his friends when they move to the next class up.

My cousin, Nicki, is a social worker, so she gave me a couple recommendations for places to take Killian to have him tested. One place was covered by our insurance, but the other wasn’t, so I started with the one that was. I was given information for the child and adolescent center, but when I called them, they stated they didn’t take any insurance and the costs would be completely out of pocket. She then told me a 2 hour assessment would cost $340, so I decided to find somewhere that was covered by our insurance. I called Valley Mental Health yesterday and a couple more people today, but had to leave messages, so I’m a little stuck. I hope that we can get this done quickly, so we can find out how to help Killian get better.

In the past couple months, we’ve gone through Christmas and New Years and I have to admit, I’m glad 2008 is over. It was a really tough year for Jase and I, and I hope this year brings new and prosperous things. I plan to pay off some of my silly extra bills, sing more, and try to be overall happy.

One of the things to do to be happy is focus a little more on myself. I’ve kinda let myself slip a little and haven’t kept up on things I should have been. I’ve gained a tad bit of weight, so one goal is to start working on that. Another goal is to keep a steady schedule of cutting my hair. I just got a hair cut last night, and I feel great! I had let my hair get so long and it just started to get so scraggly. It was almost always in an updo, and I got so sick of it. Now my hair is short, and almost short enough that I CAN’T put it in a pony tail haha.

So far this year hasn’t been the best, but I’m hoping it gets better soon. With the Kristen stuff, the Killian stuff, having to put new tires on my overpriced car, and Jase’s uncle dying, it’s been an emotional and busy couple of weeks. I didn’t know Jase’s uncle, Scott, very well because his health had gotten worse before I became part of this family and he didn’t attend too many family events. But despite that, it was really hard seeing Karen, Jase’s mom, and Scott’s wife, Rosalind have to bury him.

They had a viewing at a place called Starks, which was a beautiful place. The room that they put the casket and all the flowers in, was a golden yellow color. The ceiling of this room was painted blue and there were clouds and gold colored stars painted on it. I assume it was supposed to be symbolic of heaven, and they really did a wonderful job. The baby’s room in our house is painted blue, so I really think I’m going to copy this and make it “heavenly”. If we have a girl, I will of course add some rainbows.

When everyone left the viewing, us, some of Jase’s family and some of Rosalind’s family stayed after for family prayer and the closing of the casket. I’d never seen the process of closing the casket, and I don’t know that I will ever want to again. This for me, was the saddest moment of the whole night. It was so sad to have to watch Ros touch Scott’s face and hold his hand for the last time. When the casket was being closed, Karen let out a sob and it just broke my heart. Even though he wasn’t in the best of shape, his death was still sudden and hard. I pray all the time for Jase’s health and safety, because I really don’t think I am a strong enough person to be without him.

Well, I think if I don’t stop now, this post will be never ending. I really need to get better at writing more often. Maybe now with my boring job, I can do that. Until next time……be safe and happy new year!